Centurion tells the story of Michael Fassbender, a soldier in the Roman army circa 90-something AD.
His General is Dominic West, whom most know from The Wire, but who I will forever associate as Jigsaw in Punisher: War Zone. The Roman Army in the UK, not very well liked, and on a mission that somehow involves the hot chick from Hitman and the last Bond movie, who wisely is made a mute aside from war grunts. She's all dolled up in Braveheart-lite face paint, so you can probably figure out what she's up to faster than any character in the movie can.
So they're on a march when completely out of nowhere they're attacked! There's a battle, and some other stuff happens… I'm not gonna lie to you, I saw this movie three months ago, and even looking at my notes, I can't remember seeing it. That's probably a large problem when you think about it. For both the movie and my temporal lobe.
Anyway, Fassbender winds up leading the group of survivors, one of which is Marshall's good luck charm Liam Cunningham, who will hopefully one day make it to the end of one of his films. (Spoiler alert, but let's be honest, the moment you see him onscreen you know he's not seeing the end credits). They manage to find their captured general, who tells Fassbender he is in charge of what's left of the army, and they need to get back to Rome.
Thus begins a long haul through mud and darkness and violence and dirt, and countless helicopter shots that once again proves my favorite filmmaking maxim: If we're gonna pay for the helicopter, we're gonna USE the helicopter! One observation from my notes, it basically followed the same beginning as Ridley Scott's recent Robin Hood, and as much as Centurion disappointed me, it was nearly as angering as that cash grab. There's also a bit more narrative cohesion involved than with the other mach flick of the moment The Expendables, so another plus in its' corner.
Overall the film isn't so much bad as bland. I'm a little disappointed in Neil Marshall, who has a flair for macho film making. (A feat even more remarkable to consider for The Descent, where it was all females!) Here, though, he seems to have selected a monochromatic palate to imply old times, which instead begs for more scenes shot in daylight.
His violence is lean and brutal (Rambo-like levels of brutality), but it never adds up to anything than just a cool moment. It feels out of place, but not nearly as much as the ridiculous profanity. Seriously, to open a movie with a Roman soldier talking about "The asshole of the earth" tells you right off the bat the kind of classy movie you're dealing with. Again it's cool, and should work, but kinda doesn't.
I'm disappointed. Neil Marshall has made three solid flicks, one a genuine knock out of a picture, but all fun. This movie is missing that sense of fun, having replaced it with unnecessary brutality and excess flash. Sure the actors are pretty, and never terrible, even hot mute Russian girl. Fassbender is always an appealing lead, this will neither help nor hinder his cause to get more work. It's just, this feels like a movie we've seen done before. It's been done better and it's been done worse. But when the movie's coming from one of the few talented action guys out there, you expect a little more than this warmed over Ridley Wannabe.
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